Let me just preface this post by saying that there is no such thing as a work/life balance, especially when you’re a parent. So why am I sitting here writing this post? Because it’s on my mind and I need to get it out of there.
When my husband and I both traveled for work before our son came into our lives, there was no balance between life and work. Our lives centered around our jobs, and our closest companions were doing the same. Twelve (or more) hour days, six to seven days a week, is grueling. There is no other way to describe it. However, that was the life we chose to live together and outside of the obvious stress that type of schedule creates, we didn’t have much to complain about. Were we healthy? No. Were we physically fit? Ha. Did we do more than pass out from exhaustion Sunday – Thursday nights and then from drinking Friday and Saturday nights? Nope. Not exactly our proudest times.
Then, our son arrived and everything changed. We went from having zero problems working the long hours and not taking care of ourselves to realizing how precious time is and how quickly it seems to pass us by. I was only able to take a month off of work, and even then I worked a lot from home, while my husband continued his grueling schedule. To top it off, our location at the time was one of the hardest projects we’ve ever been a part of, and therefore one of the most stressful. It KILLED me to drop our son off at daycare every morning knowing he would be there for at least 10 hours, and that was with me going into work late and leaving early everyday. Something had to give. We decided after only two months of that life that my husband would quit work and stay home with our son. My position within the company was on a different trajectory than my husband’s, and I had been working hard to see that through. Whereas my husband was at a point where he was ready to walk away. As such, the decision was made.
Most days I would get a lot pictures like this. He was just a little baby!
My goal with this blog is to always be honest and forthcoming about the topics I choose to share, and so I’m going to tell you that I struggled IMMENSELY with this change. Not that I had any issue with the stereotypical gender role swap (as in none at all, this was 2017 not 1957, and #feminist), but I carried so much guilt for being gone as much as I was. The idea was that I wouldn’t have to worry about the long hours anymore because our son would be home with his Dad and not in daycare with strangers all day. What I didn’t realize in the beginning was how much it wasn’t just about him being in daycare, it was about how much of his day-to-day life that I was missing… and it was killing me. I was quite literally emotionally dying from the amount of sadness and guilt I carried around because I was missing so much of his first year of life. There was no balance between work and being a Mom. In fact, I spent my first Mother’s Day working, away from my son. Things had to change.
That scenario lasted eight months before I took the opportunity before me and took a different position within my company. A position that took me to their corporate office where I went from working 70+ hours a week, to a normal 40 – 45. That was over a year ago. Now, my work/life balance looks a little different.
And then our lives started looking a little more like this…
I still harbor some guilt at times for not being that stay-at-home Mom. That life isn’t meant for a lot of women, and I think some of my guilt comes from despite my Mom having worked, she chose jobs that ALWAYS allowed her to drop us at and pick us up from school. I only have memories of staying at a daycare for a short amount of my childhood. With that said, I know myself. I know that I would grow tired from being a SAHM. Coming from the previous work life, I would yearn for a work setting that has me learning from and interacting with others, and growing myself to better craft my skill. Also, Isaac THRIVES in school. He has learned so much in such a short amount of time that I would loathe taking him from that setting.
So what does balance look like nowadays? It’s a lot of EARLY mornings (more to come on that in a future post) so I can get a couple of hours of me time. It’s a lot of carefully crafted routines and schedules. It’s a lot of set bedtimes, meal planning, and refusing to look at my work email on the weekends. There are always going to be times when one takes more of my effort than others. When life is so hectic due to doctor’s appointments, dentist checkups, birthday parties, and school programs that work falls off a bit and I’m catching up after bedtime on a Sunday night. Other times work is crazy due to six open contracts that need to be executed all within a few weeks of each other, I haven’t completed half of the trainings in the team planner, I can’t remember the last time I updated the transactions spreadsheet, and we’ve had cereal for dinner twice in one week (<< life as we speak).
But hey, I still have my job, my kid LOVES cereal, and there’s always coffee.
Until next time…